Your child has died. Whether through abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death, it is a profound loss. As raw and painful as your loss is, my hope for you is that this can be a time of transformation.
I don’t believe in the platitude of closure. Closure implies closing a book, never to open it again. Transformation is about being touched by what has happened to you and carrying this new wisdom into future experiences. Transformation comes from clarity and awareness. From being awakened by grief and not beaten down by it.
The only way through grief is to affirm it. You can do this by being present to this dark place and getting to know yourself within it. With the right support, you can explore your inner world by tuning into the emotions you are feeling. I often remind people that today’s pervading culture of immediacy and being positive no-matter-what can make us feel we must rush our grief. But that is not a healthy long term strategy. Unprocessed grief has a way of coming back to bite us.
Opportunities for Discovery
This is a passage time in your life. Adjusting to being pregnant and not pregnant, to the flame of a life and the snuffing out of it, is a transition. A life transition. A passage time, much like walking down a long hallway from one room to the next. Other symbolic analogies are crossing a threshold, walking through a gateway, or opening a door and walking through.
Passage times are like walking in a maze. In a maze you can get lost. But in a labyrinth you can’t. You must walk learn to walk this maze with the confidence of walking in a labyrinth, knowing with certainty that you will find your way out. Many others have lost and will lose a child. Unfortunately rituals of comfort and wisdom, once so helpful in the past, are rarely passed down woman to woman.
I have a personal interest in helping women (and couples) use ritual to mark the loss of a pregnancy or infant. I invite you to book a conversation with me about how I can help you tap into collective wisdom in a contemporary and personal way.
by Michele Davidson, Master Celebrant & Seeker of Meaning